Underminer's Society of America Moves Headquarters to

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Let's Call a Spade a Spade

Do not kid yourself!  A spade is a spade.  The significance of this fact is that, for every spade that you see, you are looking at a spade.  

Keep this in mind when digging into a new project.

Membership Drive Underway

The Underminer's Society of America is in the midst of a special membership drive.  Please use this occasion to propose prospectors who may be fit for initiation into our society.

During the next 6 months, any member who nominates a prospector who eventually is approved as a digger will receive a pair of deerskin work gloves. Of course, the member sponsoring the most diggers this year also will have his/her/transgender's name added to the bronze shovel.

When you are going about your daily activities, keep in mind the Underminers' Code and consider whether any of the people with whom you do business might make good Underminers.  Remember, the more shovels we have digging, the bigger the hole will be.

Under all lies dirt.

Election Results

The Underminers Society of America held its secret ballot on a secret date at a secret location. The results are a secret.

Suffice it to say that the member who had been the Vice-Chancellor elect was replaced by the Vice-Chancellor who immediately resigned the post in order to be eligible for election as Chancellor-elect. The resulting vacancy was filled by the prior Chancellor-elect who will now hold the position, and the Vice-Chancellor's position will be filled by the duly elected Chancellor. Somehow we elected the waitress to be the Vice-Chancellor, and this may have been an error.

Thank you for your participation and for the orderly transition. Committee assignments should be expected by a secret deadline and should be kept secret. If anyone has seen the gavel, please return it to the Vice-Chancellor elect.

Annual Meeting

The Underminers Society of America will be holding its annual meeting last week. Please RSVP by yesterday if you do not plan on attending. Otherwise, I will have seen you all there.

Invocation Guidelines

We would like to put an end to the long-standing controversy regarding the form of invocations used at meetings of the Underminers Society. If you are charged with the duty of giving the invocation, please keep in mind that this organization is non-denominational and that we seek to be all-inclusive in our ceremonies.

Any references to "God" should be limited to a working man, such as a carpenter, for example, with long hair and sandals who is his own father and a ghost. Do not fly off into fantasy land with such crazy ideas as a fat man sitting under a tree or a man who split the moon. Just stick with prayers from the normal religions. A good rule of thumb is to look for invocations that have an "Amen" at the end. Those tend to be true and therefore all-inclusive. Don't get fancy with this gobblety-gook that all of the Chinese and Indians (not native American indians, they have their own brand of nonsense) believe in. Basically, if it wasn't originally written in English, it is probably wrong.

Pits - 003AJz1

We are currently revising the technical specifications for a Pit 003 (common hole). It is no longer standard for the radius to equal 1.15 "body width."

Thanks to Fatty McGee and his tool-box full of Twinkie brand food products. You have ruined it for everyone.

Use of Sheep Shank Dangerous

Effective immediately, the sheep shank knot should not be used for shortening ropes in high tension situations. A chain knot may be used, or, better yet, use the right-sized rope.

Beneficial Buy Products

In the coming minutes/days/millenia, we will be raising funds through the sale of Underminer's-related paraphernalia via a "Silent Auction!"

Please post your bids and then we will contact you to advise as to what you have purchased.

Well Come

It appears that I am being ousted from the Greatest Blog in America, so I am setting up camp here.

I don't think the Underminers will mind.

Hole Deposited in the Vessel
July 4, 2007 - A.Dep 2107
by Third Level Levelarian O.Ear
Council # AA of the First Counsel's Council
Assisted by the Most Grand Digger

Hole to be reconstituted July 4, 2107

"A hole never ceases to exist. It can only be filled in."

Members of the Underminers Society, the secretive burrowing group that now meets at the FU Annex on Saturday evenings, began a Friendship Hankie fundraiser project last week. Throughout history, folk-artistic social groups have sewn individual cloth squares which are later joined to form a large group quilt called a "friendship blanket."

Inspired by this concept, the Underminers launched their Friendship Hankie project. The hankie was originally chosen over the blanket as the medium of expression because it is smaller and much easier to carry in a pocket. However, the cloth hankie was seen as irrelevant in today's disposable society.

For that reason, and because they are more adept at tunneling than at sewing, the Underminers quickly adapted their project to modern technology. Underminers Friendship Hankies are modern, 3-ply white tissue papers upon which very personalized messages have been written in permanent ink.

Many Underminers use their "Snotsheets" as they call them, to describe their innermost thoughts on topics ranging from their own shortcomings to the shortcomings of their parents and even society at large. It is hoped that these will be hot sellers, and the proceeds will be applied toward the purchase of a shovel.

The USofA, like the Masons or the Elks, is a fraternal organization (which now recognizes women).

The Underminers were founded in 1925 when renowned burrower Cecil “Digger” Digston invited two business associates to dig underground tunnels from their businesses to his system of shafts which thereby created history’s first recorded “networking opportunity.”

From those humble beginnings, the Underminers eventually grew into a multi-state society. The group continues to promote tunneling and other types of burrowing but has also expanded into crawl spaces, pits, and even the occasional cellar.

Meetings of the Underminers will be held regularly each Saturday at the FU annex. Hardhats are recommended as are lights and string.